Title: Suicide Notes
Author: Michael Thomas Ford
Original Publication Date: October 01, 2008
Genre(s): Young Adult, Mental Health, Fiction
Goodreads Synopsis: “Fifteen-year-old Jeff wakes up on New Year’s Day to find himself in the hospital—specifically, in the psychiatric ward. Despite the bandages on his wrists, he’s positive this is all some huge mistake. Jeff is perfectly fine, perfectly normal; not like the other kids in the hospital with him. But over the course of the next forty-five days, Jeff begins to understand why he ended up here—and realizes he has more in common with the other kids than he thought.”
The first half of Suicide Notes was unexpectedly lighthearted and had me laughing my butt off. I genuinely laughed out loud several times. Jeff was so witty and hilarious, especially his answers to “Catpoop’s” questions.
The rest of the characters were hard to keep track of, there were way too many of them and none were constant. I would have loved to dig into some of their backgrounds more. Since we didn’t, it was impossible for me to connect with anyone. I couldn’t even connect with Jeff completely.
The second half of the book is where things went sideways. I didn’t know what was going on, at all. I actually thought I did but, I was wrong (I think?). There were some scenes that the story could have done without. There was 5-star potential.
His relationship with his sister and the ending eased my mind, a little.
**There are many things about this book that could be controversial, I did see that but, I also read the Author’s Notes at the end and, I cannot ignore his perspective. I respect him fully.**
Dates Read: June 08-June 23, 2020
My Rating: 2.75 out of 5
“I read somewhere that when astronauts come back to Earth after floating around in space they get sick to their stomachs because the air here smells like rotting meat to them. The rest of us don’t notice the stink because we breathe it every day and to us it smells normal, but really the air is filled with all kinds of pollutants and chemicals and junk that we put into it.”
“I know they’re hoping I’ll say something about why I did what I did. So for the record: I just felt like it.”
“‘How do you really know if anyone loves you?’ When I didn’t answer, she looked at me. ‘Really, how do you know?’ I thought about it for a minute. ‘I guess you just assume they do until they tell you they don’t,’ I said. Sadie shook her head. ‘You need a better system than that.’ ‘Maybe you ask,’ I suggested. ‘If you have to ask, the answer is probably no.’“
“I’m not sure what a good person is, exactly. On the one hand, it could be someone who always plays by the rules. But someone can follow the rules and still be a real jerk, you know? In fact, some of the biggest idiots I know are people who follow the rules, usually because they make you feel like crap when you don’t.”
“I think that’s what happens when you look too deep inside for the truth. The poison comes out, and you die, even though you have beautiful flowing pieces of blue truth in your fingers.”
“You know how things always seem worse at night, and how in the morning they aren’t that bad?”
“This morning I went to the bathroom to pee. I put it off as long as I could. You know, like when — for whatever reason — you don’t want to get out of bed, so you lie there hoping the pee will just magically turn to steam or something. But it doesn’t, and eventually you can’t stand it anymore and have to get up.”
“Once you realize there’s nothing to be afraid of when you die, there’s nothing else to worry about.“
“The people on television were counting down the seconds until the new year. What a bunch of morons they all were, acting excited to have another whole year, but having to get trashed so they wouldn’t think about how they were going to screw it up again like they had all the other years.”
“No one ever tells you that when your heart breaks, you can feel it. But you can. It feels like something has crumbled inside you and the pieces are falling into your stomach. It hurts more than any punch ever could. You stop breathing, and for a while you can’t remember how. When you finally do, it feels like your throat has closed up, like you’re trying to suck air through a straw.”
“When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault.”
“No one’s got it all together. I don’t think you ever do get it totally together. Probably if you did manage to do it you’d spontaneously combust. I think that’s a law of nature. If you ever manage to become perfect, you have to die instantly before you ruin things for everyone else.“