Why would I make myself write about the first time I blacked out? How can I remember a time when I blacked out?
I can only tell you what I was told about that night.
I was working at Deja Vu in Minneapolis, MN. My best friend at the time, A, and I always had a bottle of vodka in our lockers. This particular club didn’t serve alcohol and I was underage anyways. We got drunk every single night that we went to work.
I have no recollection of how I got as drunk as I did. We were drinking Grey Goose. A told me that she begged the managers to let me go home but they kept insisting that I nap it off in the dressing room. She continuously tried to feed me water but I wouldn’t drink it until she told me it was vodka. They made me stay there for awhile but I think they did let me go before the shift ended. I was running around the whole place, falling everywhere. One of the dancers carried me up the stairs but she was just as small as I am. Everyone said we were toppling over each other…it took us forever to finally get up the stairs. The other dancers also helped me get dressed, stole all of my cash I made that night out of my wallet, and threw my empty wallet in the locker next to mine. I didn’t find it until a couple months later.
I started throwing up after I got dressed. The door man was holding me up in the customer’s bathroom but after awhile he had to get back to work and he left me there–I fell on my head hard. The door man and managers all came running in because it was super loud. I’m 99% sure I got a concussion from that.
When boyfriend finally was called to pick me up, he said I was going nuts. The whole time I was at the club I was shouting about how I wanted him to come get me. When he finally got there, I still shouted about how I wanted him there.
A came home with us. She was in the backseat, silent and probably scared of me. I was jumping around the car so much; causing boyfriend to swerve…we got pulled over. I had weed in my purse in the beginning of the night but luckily, it got lost (or stolen) at work somewhere. The police asked us where the weed was and I kept asking “if I give you the weed will you let us go?” they gave boyfriend a sobriety test. He was 100% sober, thank God! Our car just had a permanent weed smell–we actually had none in the car. Whew!
While the sobriety test was happening, I jumped into the driver’s seat and said I was going to drive away…A had to lure me out of the driver’s seat by calmly telling me how bad of an idea that would be. I opened the door to throw up and I fell face first into the snow, I gave up on life and just stayed like that until boyfriend was free to go; he came back to the car and picked me up.
When I got home, I demanded a bath. I got in the tub and started banging my head everywhere (if I didn’t have a concussion from falling in the bathroom at work, I had one now). I was shouting about how there were too many people everywhere and I needed to go home…I was home in my own bath tub. I was going absolutely insane.
I finally went to sleep and boyfriend stayed up the whole night and made sure I was alive and not choking on my vomit.
I wish I could tell you I never drank to the point I blacked out again after that but I have.
I do NOT remember any of this. NONE. All of the above was told to me by boyfriend and A.
Featured Image by Wil Stewart