October 27, 2017

Yesterday I was even less productive at home than I was on Wednesday. I didn’t even make the bed when I woke up but boyfriend made it when I was at work so I still was able to crawl into a nice, comfy made bed to sleep in.

I went to get my eyebrows threaded after we smoked our morning blunt, they look so beautiful. I haven’t gotten them threaded in awhile because the last lady I went to made them so thin, I had to grow ’em out a bit. I am happy with how they look now.

After, I got my eyebrows threaded we came back home and smoked and hung out for a bit. We got hungry around 5p so boyfriend decided to start dinner, I finished up my daily post and then I hopped in the shower. Shaving after 4 days of not doing so is so satisfying, lol.

After dinner we went to get our espressos from Starbucks. We came home and I waited until 8p to get ready. Well, I started getting ready at 8:30ish, lol. I was ready around 9:30. We smoked a blunt and then even though I really shouldn’t have, I panicked about the heels right when we got into the car to drop me off at work. I quickly looked up on Google Maps where the closest dancer store was. I found one 4m from where we were on the road. It was a small Hustler Hollywood store I haven’t been to before, it was cute and the workers were friendly. They didn’t have the shoes I prefer but the ones I chose are actually so freaking comfy, I’m not mad. Also, one of the mannequins had on this pair of fishnets that I have been searching for my ENTIRE dancing career and have never been able to find. It was the last pair they had too, so I asked them to strip the mannequin, mwahah.

These are my heels that broke on the bottom and as you can see, my second strap was also ripping off. The double strap, 8-inch, clear heels are my favorite especially since they fixed them–they’re a lot lighter (weight wise) now.
heels 2
I love these but my feet cry in them. I just keep them for backup in case a heel decides to crack in the MIDDLE of a shift.
heels 3
These are my new babies. I don’t usually prefer ankle straps but wow, these are comfy. I don’t even have to think about my feet when I’m walking anymore.

Despite how good I was feeling in my new shoes and fishnets, the night was not a good one for me. I spent all of my time with two customers who seemed promising but ended up only wanting to get me drunk. I drank a margarita and a few lemon drop shots with Ketel One vodka. The owner of the club was there last night, like all night. I was worried because I thought he might pull out the haunted house tricks again lol but he didn’t.

He was in the office when I had to check out with the manager in there and he was talking to the girl that sells the shots. He asked me to fake cry and I did it on cue lol, he started shouting how my fake cry was excellent and I guess the shot girl had been trying to fake cry and hers was very unbelievable.

When I walked out of the doors of the club, boyfriend was just pulling into pick me up and TWO police cars were right behind him with their lights on. The bouncers told me to hold on and I was like “what?! are they pulling MY boyfriend over?!”…they def were. I walked down there and I asked the police what was going on and he said boyfriend was driving like a maniac WHICH HE ALWAYS DOES but he will ALWAYS deny. He had texted me when he got home that he was drinking a Mike’s Harder Lemonade so I figured he was a ‘lil tipsy and that he probably had the open can in the car with him like he always does. When I got down to the car, the police were trying not to let me in at first and I looked at him like “I can’t get in there??? He’s here to pick me up” and he was like “just you??” and I was like “….?” what kind of question is that? Of course, just me. He then asked boyfriend if he’d ever been arrested in the State of NV before, which he hasn’t. I didn’t know that was a mandatory question to ask–I got scared that they wanted to arrest him. I looked around for the open can (with my eyes) of course, and I didn’t see it. The police ran his plates, license, registration, and insurance…luckily, everything is up-to-date and the cop just handed him everything back and said that he needed to slow down. Boyfriend thinks he didn’t do anything wrong but I know he drives crazy, especially at that time of night because there’s not many people on the road–he thinks he owns it. He thinks the police just wanted to pull into my club. Which could have been part of the reason because they didn’t turn their lights on him until he made the turn to get into the club parking lot. When I asked the police what he did wrong he told me “he was driving like a maniac trying to get away from us” (???) lol and then when boyfriend asked what he did wrong he said “all the turns you made were made too fast and ehhh” (???) boyfriend said they had been following him since the highway so it didn’t make sense that they took so long to pull him over. Our car is quite messy, there are empty bottles, cans, and trash everywhere. Boyfriend said he crushed the can and threw it behind and under his seat WHEN the police turned his lights on….WOW. I don’t know how they didn’t notice but they didn’t. Boyfriend started searching for it while the squad car was still behind us…I was all “are you serious right now?” he said he was just picking it up so it would stop spilling…but right when the police were still there?…are you shitting me? Ugh…luckily we got home safe and sound with no tickets or anyone going to the slammer.

I hate alcohol. No matter how many times I swear off of it, I wake up with a dry mouth and head the next day, and all I can wonder is WHY. I want boyfriend to quit drinking too…he said he would but he’s only switched from whiskey to Mike’s…I just want it out of our lives altogether. I asked boyfriend if he would be willing to do that for me and he promised me that he will, and it didn’t seem like it would be a huge problem for him, so wish us luck. He hasn’t ever lied or broke a promise to me before. Everything is just so much better when we don’t drink–I have no idea why we do it. At least for me it’s better. I get worried boyfriend enjoys life drunk better. :-/

One of my co-workers was sitting down at a table by herself because it was dead and there were no customers to talk to, I sat down by her and her friend came up to her at the same time as I did. We sat and talked about how the night was hard and how we hoped tomorrow will be better. The first girl that I was talking to mentioned that the managers told her that she needed to lose weight, she has one month or she will be fired. I think her body is just fine…the other girl told me that they told her she needed to gain weight. Both of them are beautiful and they both look super healthy…it was surprising to hear. I hear it a lot from my co-workers that the managers tell them they need to work on their bodies. It makes my heart hurt for them because I wouldn’t even come back to a club that told me that I needed to lose weight, I’d be way too embarrassed. I hate to say this, but,  it also boosted my confidence because now I know if the managers had a problem with my body (as much as I always seem to) they’d tell me.

I remember when I worked at Deja Vu in MN there was this super hot girl, who was awesome on stage, and knew how to work the customers. The asshole of a manager told her that she needed to watch her weight if she wanted to continue going on stage. That was the first time I had ever heard about managers “warning” the girls about their weight/appearance. But of course, as I’ve continued working in this industry, I’ve heard it a LOT. I’ve heard managers tell girls not to come into work without makeup on (even if they intended to put some on in the dressing room), not to wear their hair a certain way…I’ve just been so lucky to not ever have been ridiculed by a manager yet. I am TOO sensitive. I don’t know how those girls take it and then talk about it, too. I would not be able to talk about it without crying. But dancers are tough, man. I’m pretty much deaf to all the customer’s insults but I’d truly be hurt if a manager said something bad about me and my skin still isn’t thick enough to protect my feelings when my co-workers talk bad about me, either… but it should be, it needs to be, and it’s getting there.

I haven’t done anything today besides wake up and write this. I got distracted with texting boyfriend while he waits to start work, he starts at 3 but he got there way too early. The cats need me to feed them but one of them (Sushi) is sitting in my lap right now so I really don’t want to get up lol. The boys have been ganging up on Twinkle (my only girl) all morning. He just jumped off me because she walked past. This is getting long and I should prob do some stuff around the house and especially should feed the kids now.

It is already 2:32p.

15 thoughts on “Journal Entry 13

  1. That’s crazy about your bf getting pulled over. He really shouldn’t drink and drive, and especially not with the open container in the car. That could get him in even more trouble, and of course I want nothing bad to happen to you or him or anyone else. I drove drunk one time because I just wanted to get home. I was at a club and got a ride from there back to my car that was parked at Walmart. They took me to get something to eat first (which helped a little). When I got to my car, it was either attempt to drive home or crawl in the backseat and sleep in the Walmart parking lot. In my head, all I was thinking about was how I wanted my bed. Fortunately, I didn’t wreck or get caught or anything. That was the only time. I don’t go out anymore except to parties my family has, which my mom will always give me a ride then.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know…he is so naughty. :-/ I tell him all the time. We are trying our best to quit for real. Hopefully. Thank you for caring about us! ❤ I've also drove drunk once before and I can barely drive sober. I don't know how I pulled it off but I'd never do it again. I'm glad you were able to make it home safe that night, too!!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I gotta be honest, I’d probably kill myself walking in those kind of heels, so mad props to you girl! That’s crazy that the cops pulled your boyfriend over like that. But I agree with you, if alcohol has become more of an issue in your life, then it’s good to cut back. And if cutting back doesn’t work, eliminate it. That’s a money saver and technically a life saver lol.

    Also, those managers sound awful to work for, but it doesn’t really surprise me that it happens with your type of job. It’s just sad :/ I definitely would say strippers are tough, it’s a tough job for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol they’re not so bad, I can’t walk in regular high heels but I can do these. Ah yeah, I mean if they were more serious and looked in the car they would’ve been able to arrest him but, I’m so glad they didn’t! Yeah we cut back a LOT since we first met, both of us, but now we are eliminating it. Definitely could be a life saver.

      The managers are actually really nice. Most of the time, there def are some real jerks. It mostly surprises me that the nicer ones are always the one that say something about the body issues. It is sad but understandable why they do it–just weird the girls they choose to tell it to over other girls.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha they look so hard to walk in. I can do regular heels, but with a short heel. Stilettos are a no go 😂 and I’m glad they didn’t either! And that’s definitely a good thing!

        And gotcha! That it weird they don’t tell everyone that then. I get it, too, but it’s also a little fucked up

        Liked by 1 person

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