Songs That Saved My Life

My life needed the most saving when I was a junior and senior in High School. There wasn’t one single drug that scared me, not one that I wouldn’t do if I was presented the opportunity to.

When High School ended for me, I was what you might consider a full-blown drug addict. I’m not talking about your run of the mill, every-High-Schooler-tries drugs either: MDMA, ecstasy, Xanax, Adderall, shrooms–sure, I’d definitely take those. How about heroin and meth, though? I’d snort that and I’d smoke that, too.

I started doing heroin when my main group of ‘friends’ decided that OxyContin wasn’t enough anymore. See, one guy in our group sold us all his step-mom’s Oxy pills. He was into MMA (mixed martial arts) and boxing, he was a super buff dude. Our friends had become so hooked on these pills that they allowed him to practice straight blows to their stomachs and FACES (as long as he had his boxing gloves on and the person enduring the blow got to wear the helmet) one night for free Oxy pills. Of course, I wanted one for free but wasn’t willing to get socked anywhere so my then-boyfriend took one to the stomach for his and one to the face for mine and let me tell you, this guy did not go easy on any one of them.

So, time goes on and my group of friends finds a heroin connect. I don’t know where they found him but after finding one connect they found more and more. We were always able to find a bag when we needed one, even though heroin dealers LOVE to make their customer’s wait literal hours on end because they know that they will, we would still eventually get that bag–no matter how long we had to wait. I couldn’t even hang out with my friends unless I wanted to do heroin. I wouldn’t shoot it up, always snorted, and one time smoked it. My ‘friends’ started telling me I was wasting it and that I couldn’t come around if I didn’t shoot it up. I went through the ever so horrible heroin withdrawals. I couldn’t even get up off of my bed, no matter how many times my dad threatened to call the cops when he smelled the weed coming up the stairs. Weed was the only thing that could make me feel somewhat human.

I needed something in my life to help me move on. I read books about heroin like Smack by Melvin Burgess and The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx and other misc. ones that weren’t well-written or eye-opening enough for me to actually finish reading. While those two books helped me out a ton, nothing and I mean NOTHING pushed me to get through the painful withdrawals more than this song:

Lead You On by Machine Gun Kelly

“Well it’s just that
When I felt her the first time, I flew
Nobody gives me the high that she do
See, we fight all the time
And she leaves bruises on my arms
But the way she makes me feel inside
That girl can do no wrong
Now all my family hates me
Since I started fuckin with her
And all my friends done left me
Cuz they jealous that I’m with her
I tried to break it off
But she gets me back with the feel”

While this will always remain THE song that pulled me through my heroin withdrawals there were also a few others I listened to that helped me realize my life was a huge mess that I really needed to clean up.

I quit doing heroin but not long after that, I got into meth because one of my new co-workers at Sonic seemed like the bubbliest and happiest person on Earth at age 25 with her new job at fucking SONIC. I needed to get my hands on that stuff…so I did. To quit that, I got back into heroin because I needed sleep in my life and hey, what puts you to sleep better than heroin? But, it was only for a short while. I needed, needed, needed to be done with these drugs after a year of doing way too much. I locked myself up in my room again to make myself suffer whatever withdrawal symptoms I had to so I wouldn’t crave these drugs anymore. I constantly listened to these songs, I not only listened but I heard the words these artists’ were conveying to me and I still turn these songs on when I feel I’m in a drinking rut; which is all I’ll even let come into my sight these days.

Otherside by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

“Headed towards the bottom couldn’t get off it
Didn’t even think he had a problem
Though he couldn’t sleep without gettin’ nauseous
Room spinnin’, thinkin’ he might’ve sipped just a little bit too much of that cough syrup
His eyelids closed shut
Sat back in the chair clutchin’ that cup
Girlfriend came and a couple hours later said his name shook him but he never got up”

“I’ve seen Oxycontin take three lives
I grew up with them, we used to chief dimes
I’ve seen cocaine bring out the demons inside
Cheatin’ and lyin’
Friendship cease, no peace in the mind
Stealin’ and takin’ anything to fix the pieces inside
Broken, hopeless, headed nowhere
Only motivation for what the dealer’s supplying
That rush, that drug, that dope
Those pills, that crumb, that roach
Thinkin’ I would never do that, not that drug
And growing up nobody ever does
Until you’re stuck, lookin’ in the mirror like I can’t believe what I’ve become
Swore I was gonna be someone
And growing up everyone always does
We sell our dreams and our potential
To escape through that buzz”

I Won’t Crash by BenniB

“Eyes get heavy and he’s gripping on the wheel
Gotta stay awake, hit the face if needed
Sixteen hours straight with no sleepin’
Night gets cold and pain is out creepin’
Dark
Going by the lines in the road
Hope the headlights show the ice and the snow
He looked down, saw the tank on empty
He looked up, saw the devil with a blessing
Swerve
Slipping on the sleet, doing sixty
Worse
See him make a move and it’s risky
Curse
Room fulla hurt
Right at the turn he be switching up his worth
And now it’s not worth it, wanna reverse
But he can’t, gotta relearn
Passed out woke up to a nurse
Said “Lucky to be here, hit the button if it hurts””

The River Runs Deep by The Knowmads

“Now he’s lost his path, school, and direction
Kicked out his pad after landlord inspection
All he ever had was his rhymes and a dream
Now he’s living on the streets at the age of 19
Feel the meth in his lungs and the son starts to tweak
Never saw 21 y’all the river runs deep”

Your Glasshouse by Atmosphere

“Lookin’ at a phone full of missed calls
Probably all the people that you pissed off
Everything seems so sour
So you force yourself into the shower
Standin’ up brings out the stars
And the whole bathroom smells just like a dive bar
Can’t do it better sit
And let the tub be the catcher’s mitt
Lay down face down”

The Pain by The Knowmads

“Seen a friend turn a fiend, now the fiend don’t exist
And the keepers got us mesmerized to see it like we’re rich
Society’s demented; I’m looking for a mentor
People disappoint me every day, I thought you meant more
Used to dream of heaven, now there’s too much to repent for”

“Keep telling myself that I’m changing but it isn’t honest
Even at night I’m solving problems with this gin and tonic
If you got thizz, I’ll pop it
Might as well live it up
Picking apart excuses, but usually I don’t give a fuck
I’m feeling young and drunk
So pass the XO
This music is a drug, and we got the best blow
But once it’s all gone, you gotta get more
It’s tough to hold on, harder to let go”
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14 thoughts on “Songs That Saved My Life

  1. Congrats for getting off those drugs. Doing it yourself takes an incredible amount of courage and willpower, kudos to you, I hope you feel proud of your achievement…life is way too short and way too precious to waste of second of it

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m happy for you that you found a way to get yourself off that heavy stuff. Weed is one thing, heroin and meth are completely different and worse. And the fact you basically quit cold turkey – that’s an amazing accomplishment. Music has a way of making you feel alive, and people who write off their experiences, and when you connect with it – it means everything. I can’t say I’ve heard any of the songs you mentioned in this post, don’t listen to much rap, but through the lyrics, I can see how they helped you through your experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! ❤️ I don’t know what I was thinking at all. I rarely ever tell anyone about me doing meth or heroin. It’s so nasty.

      Gosh, I love rap. I don’t enjoy poetry unless it’s being rapped lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome 💜 Sometimes talking about your experiences helps though! It’s like unloading yourself, accepting that it happened and that it’s over and done with.

        Haha really? I guess it’s hard for me to get into it unless it’s really good rap. After awhile it all sounds similar to me

        Like

  3. Wow. Good for you for being so open and honest about your experiences. It’s crazy, I never would have guessed that you’d have had these experiences, and to get off those drugs because of sheer willpower is incredibly impressive. I love reading about your experiences, and your honesty is always so refreshing. Congratulations on everything you’ve made it through!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol, a lot of girls who snort coke in the dressing rooms at my work try to hide from me because they think I would never do such a thing lol but I’m never oblivious because I’ve been there, done that I just don’t look like the ‘type’ hehe. 😇

      Thank you so much!! Means a lot to me, truly!! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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