My Favorite Quotes From… Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster

Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster


Originally published: March 7, 2006

“He knows I don’t do well drinks. Life is too short not to top-shelf.

“I told him that stupid nicknames render me mute, what with all the bile rising in my throat.”

“Apparently he didn’t care for the last present I got him…a pink Ralph Lauren V-neck tennis sweater that just happened to fit me.”

“People are rude and stupid everywhere I go.”

“Last time I needed my allergy medicine, I made Fletch go to the doctor and pretend to itch and sneeze.”

“I put on my thinking boots. [What, like I’d use a cap and mess up the ‘do. I don’t think so.]

“Two hours, one shovel, three tearful calls to Fletch, and a double helping of Xanax later, my world was back in order.”

“For a moment I thought my vision had magically been restored to 20/20, but then realized I’d passed out in my contact lenses.”

Could I be satisfied with an engagement ring that didn’t require a full-time bodyguard? I wonder.

“We’re going to Las Vegas. They have EVERYTHING there, OK? I could call the concierge and request a crack pipe and a thirteen-year-old male prostitute, and both would be delivered to the room within the hour.

“Say anymore and I’ll have to wash my brain with vodka.

“I can’t believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don’t feel like walking to the bathroom.”

“Ok, that does it. You can insult my parentage, intelligence, or taste but you DO NOT say disparaging things about my dogs.

“I swear I don’t know how Adult Protective Services has not yet intervened in our lives.”

Ac-tive? Fit? I’m sorry, but I am unfamiliar with these terms.”

“My day was nothing a fistful of Xanax couldn’t cure, but I ran out of them ages ago, so I had an ice-cream bar instead. Ok, two ice-cream bars. And some cookies. And a bag of skittles.

“Re-make the flag in florals and plaids, and the national bird would become duck with orange sauce.”


“Jen Lancaster was living the sweet life-until real life kicked her to the curb.

She had the perfect man, the perfect job-hell, she had the perfect life-and there was no reason to think it wouldn’t last. Or maybe there was, but Jen Lancaster was too busy being manicured, pedicured, highlighted, and generally adored to notice.

This is the smart-mouthed, soul-searching story of a woman trying to figure out what happens next when she’s gone from six figures to unemployment checks and she stops to reconsider some of the less-than-rosy attitudes and values she thought she’d never have to answer for when times were good.

Filled with caustic wit and unusual insight, it’s a rollicking read as speedy and unpredictable as the trajectory of a burst balloon.”

(Via OverDrive)


Biography & Auto-Biography, Non-Fiction, Comedy

My rating:

⭐️⭐️ 2.5/5 Stars

Thank you for stopping by 💋

4 thoughts on “My Favorite Quotes From… Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster

    1. I downloaded the OverDrive app and all you need is a library card from your local library and you can read as many eBooks as you want– that’s how I’ve been able to read so many books lately!! 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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