I’m in love with the shape of me

In middle school is when I started to worry about my body image. I dated this boy in 7th grade– I broke up with him because when we made out I could taste milk on his tongue. (I mentioned him a little in another post, too.) After I broke up with him, he started bullying me about everything.

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When I would wear skirts, (jean skirts were all the rage back then) he would look under the lunch table and start laughing about how my thighs were so big; they touched each other when I sat down.

I was never in love with my body. I knew I was a little overweight at 5’1″ and 115 lbs. It was probably all the rice I ate growing up, lol. In 9th grade, I had access to this girl’s prescription Adderall. She hated taking them– she would just give them to me so that her family would assume she had taken them herself. I would pretty much take them everyday because that’s how she was supposed to take them; everyday. If I didn’t swallow one for a day, I’d swallow two the next day. I got into a fucked up situation when I ended up swallowing 6 (20 mg) at one time so that’s when I finally realized I needed to stop that habit.

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But, before I realized I needed to quit, I had lost 15 whole pounds! Sometimes, when I weighed myself I wasn’t even 100 lbs! See, Adderall made me lose my appetite completely. Even a juicy, sweet apple would taste just like a cotton ball. I couldn’t and wouldn’t eat whenever I was on Adderall. I was actually happy and proud of myself for how much weight I had lost and I liked how I looked. But, since I had lost the weight so rapidly and unhealthily…when I started eating normally again, back to 115 lbs I went. I didn’t mind and never really worried about my weight for awhile though.

Then, when I started working at a peep show and had to get naked in front of strangers and they paid me for it…and later when I became a dancer, even more people paid to see me…yeah, they paid to see my body that I was never proud of…and then it was something I was and could be of proud of!

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At first, I was happy with my body and I was never shy about taking my clothes off on stage. Then I started drinking heavily– I was always bloated and definitely had gained some real weight. I decided I needed to quit drinking and once I did I lost a pretty good amount of weight but I wasn’t exactly in love with myself. Dancing at work is a great workout but it wasn’t enough. I started doing a short YouTube exercise at home everyday for almost a whole year and now I can say that I am the proudest of my body I have ever been, I love my body, and that I properly worked on and got this body all by myself!

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(Via Tumblr)

Of course, there are some days when I don’t feel that I look my best, especially after a big dinner– I can’t even find the courage to go to work because I’m too uncomfortable to prance around in lingerie. But, everyone has bad days and I’m happy to say I have more better days!

(Challenge #2 / Day #3)


Thank you for stopping by πŸ’‹

25 thoughts on “I’m in love with the shape of me

  1. Hunida, you are so cute in those photos and this is a great story of being comfortable in your own skin. To tell the truth, I’m being a bit fat around my waist and I know that (because I don’t exercise at all), but I do intend to! Once my probably broken toe completely healed, I’m thinking of starting working out at the gym again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe, thank you, Noriko! πŸ’– I am sure you look just fine!! But YouTube workouts are fun, too on those days you don’t feel up for the gym! πŸ˜› And sorry to hear about your toe, ouch! I hope that it heals soon! πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I often amused my Chinese spoken English students with the stories of my weight going up and down. When I was 13, I weighed 155 pounds. Then I had braces and couldn’t eat for two weeks: 140 pounds. Then I took up Tae Kwon Do and stayed the same weight as I got taller until I was 18. Then I took up weight lifting and by the time I finished college I weighed 210. Then I got married, she put me on a strict diet and had me give up weight lifting for yoga until I weighed 135 pounds. Then she left me and I went back to eating a lot and weight lifting and put both muscle and fat back on… but no matter all the ups and downs, you’ll rarely see a photo of myself on my blog and when my friends and family take pictures I sneak into the back line because there have been few times in my life I’ve been comfortable with my body.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Keeping a good weight that you’re happy with is really hard but truly every body is beautiful! I hope you can be comfortable with your body someday soon! Start by standing in the front of pics and when you see the picture, do not criticize yourself– only compliments! πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so happy for you that you’re finally comfortable in your own skin! I’ve been there – being short, the weight easily catches onto us. In high school I always weighed around 105lbs at 5’0″ – I was skinny. Nowadays, I’ve gained some weight and last year I was around 130lbs and embarrassed of myself. And my mom would comment that I’ve gained weight. But when I started my job, just being on my feet all day and not really eating (not healthy, but it is how it is lol), I’m back around 120 and comfortable with myself. It’s actually a healthy weight for my height, and for not working out, I’ll take it. But it took me awhile to feel comfortable with my body shape, and after awhile I finally accepted that yes my thighs touch, yes my skin rolls when I sit down, and no, certain clothes don’t fit me well. But you can’t change your shape, even if you do lose weight. And when you meet someone who makes you feel beautiful, you start to think that maybe you were just being a little harsh on yourself πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! Yeah being short is hard because I wanna eat a lot but my body can’t hold it all. πŸ˜† I’m happy to hear that you’re at a comfortable place with your body, too!! Everyone has skin rolls, and not everything looks good on everyone. I used to blame it on my weight now I blame it on my small boobs! πŸ˜‚ And it’s true that you shouldn’t need someone else to tell you or make you feel beautiful but it sure as hell doesn’t hurt!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha I struggle with that, too πŸ˜‚ and everyone does! It’s just taken years to accept that as a reality. And true, it really does not hurt at all! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow, I can’t believe those youtube videos really work. I’ve been dancing for two days now using youtube videos, but I don’t expect results because I still eat a lot. I just want my body to burn calories I take. I’m not comfortable with my body but my husband keeps on saying I’m good, so I don’t lose weight. But you know, sometimes I don’t like what I see in the mirror.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, the right videos really do work! I always read the comments sections to see if it worked for other people. 😊

      I eat a lot, too. Lol! I just stay at the same weight as long as I do a little activity everyday.

      And your husband is right, you’re beautiful the way you are. πŸ’– You should love your reflection! I hope one day you realize how beautiful you are!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. In 6th grade I weighed 120 and was 5ft even. Had chubby cheeks and all lol. Looking back it was kind of cute but at the time I hated it and thought I was fat so I skipped meals. I lost the weight and got to high school and was teased for being too skinny. I wasn’t too skinny l just wasn’t thick which was what everyone was into. Ive gained just a little more since then but also taller so everything is evened out but I’ve been learning to love the shape of me lately also. I do need to start working out more though I admit. I don’t need to lose any weight but that doesn’t mean I can’t treat my body well. I’m glad you are loving your body now, this is another great postπŸ’š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kids are so cruel in school, you can never win. They will always find something to pick on you about! I’m happy to hear that you’re learning to love the shape of you, too. πŸ’— Working out wakes my mind up and I feel good about myself afterwards, so yes I recommend it even if you aren’t looking to lose weight! But you will need to eat more if you start working out!!

      Thank you! πŸ’—

      Like

  6. I love reading personal stories like this. I’m happy you’re getting to love yourself more and more on every post from you that I read. πŸ™‚ Flaunt that body, girl! Let that guy from 7th grade look at you with regret in his eyes. You’re wonderful just the way you are. πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I started youtube videos too because mt legs touch when im standing πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆthis is very inspiring. But that asshole… men and their egos or is it boys…he couldnt just take it like a man… talk about dairy queen I mean drama queen😁😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

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